A View So Cruel: Putting Things In Perspective

by mikefive on Apr 4, 2011 3:04 PM EDT

Great read bumped from the FanPosts. A chance to step back and actually think a little bit as we enter the final week of the regular season. - Travis

As Flyers fans, we can often be found discussing, obsessing over, and even joking about our team and its players. We love life when they're winning; we sulk when they struggle; and we argue about individual players' worth when we're supposed to be working during the day. We cheer for our favorites, we groan over players we don't want on the team, etc. The list goes on, and we add to it constantly.

I am certainly not exempt from this, as you well know. You've seen me at my finest when I'm saying "Oops Powe SURPRISE!" to anyone who will listen, or when I'm on here venting after a bad loss or two. Just like everyone else, I've alternated between praising players and tearing them down. In doing so, sometimes I've been fair and sometimes not. But this is true for all of us. It's part of our nature as fanatics.

One thing I've learned as a sports fan is that it's easy to sing when your team is winning, and it's easy to scapegoat players when your team is losing. But sometimes we go beyond scapegoating and take pot-shots at individuals, and these are uncalled for. I mention this because I had an experience at yesterday's game which really gave me pause and I wanted to share it with all of you.

During the second intermission, I met up with Don and we spoke about the game - what we liked, what we didn't, how soon we wanted the playoffs to start, etc. One topic of conversation was the struggling power play, and I jokingly introduced Jody Shelley into the conversation. "The Flyers need someone who just parks himself in front of the net on the power play," I said to Don. "I watched the third period and OT of the Capitals-Sabres game [on Saturday night]... the Caps were down twice, and both times they tied it because they had someone standing in front of the net on the power play. That's something the Flyers lack. When Jody Shelley comes back, they should just park him in front of the net and let pucks deflect off him. It can't hurt their chances."

I wasn't being serious, of course. Still, any joke one can make about Jody Shelley is an easy one. They're not necessarily fair to make, but we do it anyway.

After the game, my brother and I were walking across the Pattison Avenue side of the Wells Fargo Center. I was thinking my usual post-game thoughts, like "At least we got a point in the standings after trailing going into the 3rd," "I hate shootouts," "I sure hope we win on Tuesday and somehow clinch the division," etc. As we walked over the players' parking lot, I noticed a small child sitting on the hill next to it. I immediately thought, "No one's allowed down there. That must be one of the players' children." I then noticed a large man in a gray suit. His back was to me as he was monitoring the child on the hill. Again, I thought, "Oh, it's his kid... whoever he is. Maybe it's one of the injured Rangers or someone like that."

As if the man could hear my thoughts, he turned to the side so I could see who he was. It was Jody Shelley. The first thing I noticed was the side of his face where he had been hit by the puck. I didn't notice any bruising, but one eye was practically swollen shut. It almost looked like he was stuck doing a permanent wink. I also noticed that he had a pained expression on his face - like he had just watched the game and was upset that he wasn't able to help out. I'm not sure what exactly he could have done on the ice to help the Flyers win, but it's worth noting that the team is 2-3-3 since his injury. I called my brother's attention to Shelley's presence, and repeated my earlier joke: "When that guy comes back, he's gonna be our new power play specialist."

All that aside, I took my eyes off Shelley for a few moments, as I was walking and had to be mindful of where I was going. When I looked back down, I noticed that he, his wife, and their young son were all walking away. Mrs. Shelley was pushing a stroller; I don't know if it was for the walking child or if they had a toddler in it.

At that point, everything hit me, and I was touched by that vulnerable moment: Here was a man straddling the roles of a father, a husband, and a teammate. He was able to be there for his wife and child / children, but he wasn't able to be there for his team. It could not have been easy for him. And here I was, making jokes about the guy. Silly as it may sound, I felt guilty for doing so.

I'm telling this story because this experience woke me up to the ugliest side of sports fandom - the attacks that people make on certain players, their personal lives, and so on. As fans, we have every right to praise players who are doing well and criticize those who are not - so long as our criticisms are focused on their play on the field (or, in this case, the rink). All too often, however, we go beyond that and attack these guys on a personal level, and that's not fair.

I got flat-out angry when people were celebrating Jody Shelley's injury. I hated the inevitable "gay" jokes which followed Claude Giroux's moving into the Briere household. And I always bristle whenever people repeat the rumor about Jeff Carter and Scott Hartnell's ex-wife. It's just not right to go out and say any of that stuff, because it has nothing to do with their being members of our team. These are all real people with real-life problems just like we have. They're trying to live one day at a time just like the rest of us - whatever that may mean for them. Maybe they're trying to raise families. Maybe they're trying to get their lives back together. Maybe everything is peachy keen. But how is that different from any of us? The only difference is that they are in the public eye as athletes. For some reason, this makes people feel justified in praising or putting them down by any means necessary.

Whenever I feel tempted to insult a player personally because he did a bad job on the ice, I hope I remember this image of the Shelley family walking together on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I hope I remember the pained expression on Jody Shelley's face, having just watched his team lose. And I hope this message proves valuable and memorable to all of us.

Let's Go Flyers.

This item was written by a member of this community and is not necessarily endorsed by Broad Street Hockey.

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Comments

Well said

The human side of athletes’ lives rarely get mentioned, except in humor/mockery, as you rightly pointed out.

I’m glad you got to see him just being a human being, and for telling us about it.

#1 Flyers fan in England (originally from Southeastern PA)

by Orange and Black Forever on Apr 4, 2011 1:46 PM EDT reply actions

this warmed my heart.
I know how you feel. I admit I have been a shelley hater at one point, but I’ve definitely warmed up to him. I have heard my share of player hating (no pun intended) and it gets old. Its obviously inevitable that players will get on our bad side after a poor performance, but sometimes the bad rap they get has no basis at all.

……though this doesn’t necessarily hold true to EVERY athlete (see T.O.)

At home in the Illadelph.

by coheedandtbs on Apr 4, 2011 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

Beautiful. Thank you.

by deisel on Apr 4, 2011 2:55 PM EDT reply actions

Wish I could have been there to see it as well.

Writer at SB Nation's Philadelphia Union blog, The Brotherly Game. Follow me on Twitter.
Keep Hope Alive

by Justin F. on Apr 4, 2011 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

Glove tap to you, sir.

by ThePowertool on Apr 4, 2011 3:19 PM EDT reply actions

While I agree with the main point of the article, and think we should take time to consider this perspective on anyone we ridicule, I will say that professional atheletes are at the least local celebrities, while the stars among them are national celebrities.

It is a price of this lifestyle that much of your private life becomes public.

I’m not condoning cheap shots at these athlete’s personal issues. It’s a shame when people cheer for injuries. But it shouldn’t surprise us that all aspects of their lives come under the microscope.

Rumors of a colleague cheating with another colleague’s spouse are talked about in hushed tones in any workplace, but when the parties involved are in the public eye all the time, it is going to come up in media, online, and become a focus of attention for fans – either in jest or by alarmists playing the blame game.

These issues are present with all celebrities. We are quick to idolize them and just as quick to turn on them.

by iJewJitsu on Apr 4, 2011 3:32 PM EDT reply actions

Well, we all take part in building them up just so we can tear them down. It’s a societal thing, more than a celebrity thing.

Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement.

by doubleh on Apr 4, 2011 4:07 PM EDT up reply actions

I don’t know that we build them up so we can tear them down.

But it’s all about “what have you done for me lately” and we jump to the latest and greatest quickly. I agree that it’s societal, but our society revolves around the celebrity thing.

by iJewJitsu on Apr 4, 2011 4:12 PM EDT up reply actions

Yes. It’s part of the process. Overhype them so there’s no possible way they ever live up to expectations and then inevitably tear them apart because they failed.

Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement.

by doubleh on Apr 4, 2011 4:28 PM EDT up reply actions

Their private lives become public only because we want to know about them. It’s human nature, but it is a weakness to want to dig into the private details of a public person just because we take an interest in what they provide in the context of their work. You and I can help solve the problem by taking no interest in these off-ice details, by having the discipline to consciously turn away from them, rather than taking a peek and attributing it all to “the price of a public life” as if that is a necessary truth, and not contingent on our part in demanding that price be paid.

by flyersfaninchicago on Apr 4, 2011 5:50 PM EDT up reply actions

Um, wow! I guess thats all I can say to this thought provoking ost. It certainly helps put things in perspective. However I think at times emotions tend to get in the way of perspective, but it doesn’t have to automatically become personal. Likewise I think it’s important to remember that all jibes aren’t meant to be personal attacks on the players-at least that’s not how interpret them.

"There's cool, and then there's Claude Giroux"
Resident GleeK
SUPER 8 BITCHES

by sophiejo on Apr 4, 2011 3:37 PM EDT via mobile reply actions

"There's cool, and then there's Claude Giroux"
Resident GleeK
SUPER 8 BITCHES

by sophiejo on Apr 4, 2011 3:38 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions

I can’t rec this post enough. Good job, sir. =)

Flyers fan since 1983.

by Sakurafire on Apr 4, 2011 3:46 PM EDT reply actions

Stick tap.

I always had a problem with personal attacks on players of any sport and on any team. If you want someone’s play on the field, rink wherever, that’s fine. To get personal with it, uncalled and no need for it.

by flyerboom_6 on Apr 4, 2011 4:03 PM EDT via mobile reply actions

slow clap

In these last few games, I am up for trying anything on the ice.

Also, from the start I’ve thought Shelley was a quality human being, and knows a substantial amount of the game to even have a position with the Flyers after his career is over.

I just wish he had more skillsets than what appears to be his only one: being a goon. Now if we have a leader in addition to the goon, well we’re in business

inter arma enim silent leges

by CoburnsCuddleBuddy on Apr 4, 2011 4:16 PM EDT reply actions

Laviolette has gone on record saying he doesn’t like having Shelley out of the lineup. I cannot help but think that the lack of both Pronger AND Shelley in the locker room has been harmful to the Flyers of late.

Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?

by mikefive on Apr 4, 2011 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions

it’s definitely worthy of consideration. The thing is, when Shelley was starting, I still questioned Laviolette because the team wasn’t performing up to standards, and I still do believe that Zherdev is a better start than Shelley on most nights. Interesting to see how this pans out in the playoffs, considering that Zherdev is looking better and better with each passing game

inter arma enim silent leges

by CoburnsCuddleBuddy on Apr 4, 2011 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions

Well said

I don’t wish fame on anybody. It can’t be easy to have every detail of your life under the microscopic eye of the public. But that’s just part of the package, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. I guess these athletes just learn to deal with it.

by Buckwsr on Apr 4, 2011 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

Very nice post…I think your experience qualifies as having “met” one of the players. I’ve met a few of them on this team and others in the past. I agree with you completely that they are human beings like us, struggling with the same issues we all struggle with in life. Obviously their lives are under more scrutiny and the pressures they face from their coaches, their teammates, the media, other teams, etc, are quite daunting. But I think we have all experienced scrutiny and pressure in our own lives at various levels and can relate. Of course wealth has its own unique challenges and pitfalls, especially if it is acquired at a very young age.

Well I’ve always been a fan of Mr. Shelley and I’m excited that he may return for the Buffalo game. I think his locker room qualities have been dismissed on this blog in the past (qualities which aren’t quantifiable, I guess) but they are nevertheless skills which not all hockey players possess. Very thoughtful post.

"All the experts come out, all the pundits come out with their opinions...the truth of the matter is if they knew anything about the game, they'd be in it" - George McPhee, General Manager, Washington Capitals.

by Nico97 on Apr 4, 2011 4:27 PM EDT reply actions

But the guy does suck at hockey…..

At the end of the day, you still have to remember that jokes are jokes. Their meant to be funny and uplifting. If all we did all day was think about ho much life really does suck, well, the whole world would be like Seattle around Christmas time, LOL.

Samesis

by JpH89 on Apr 4, 2011 4:34 PM EDT reply actions

Right, but jokes made at the expense of other people are not at all uplifting. They may be funny to some people, but they are not uplifting at all.

Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?

by mikefive on Apr 4, 2011 4:48 PM EDT up reply actions

Right. Cause Jody Shelley gets upset when he reads an article that says he sucks? Im sure he just turns around and looks at his stack of cash that he collects and laughs it off. Hell, even the players were busting G’s balls about living with Danny early in the year. And lets be perfectly honest, most of the “Carter slept with Hartnells wife” jokes are making fun of the ridiculous rumor, not the act of it happening. Like when Travis or Don or someone else calls Geoff a dick or an ass, clearly joking, does that really bother you? Or does the situation change cause you know these guys personally. Cause if thats the case its hypercritical. Do you care that people call carter “high-and-wide”? Do you get mad when people on the Good Phight call Blanton “Cookies”, because its clearly a joke about Blanton being fat.

I’ll gladly admit that I made jokes about Shelley. Like when I said blocking Nodl’s shot in practice was his most productive play as a Flyer. And I was also happy just for the excuse to have him out of the lineup(and all this horse-shit about Shelley out is the reason were slumping is really dumb. We were slumping BEFORE he got hurt. Same with the people who say trading for Versteeg is whats hurting us. Cause, you know, adding a 20+ goal scorer mid year and not giving up any player in return is gonna hurt right?)

I was playing hockey on saturday, and I was skating around the net when my friends shot wized by my face(its was a ball, not a puck BTW). and the first thing he said was “You almost Lappy’d that”. Lappy was one of my favorite players before he came to Philly, and I loved him here. If he didnt miss the year, i would have gotten his jersey and Still say they need to make Lappy player tees. But the joke was funny non the less.

/sorry for rant

Samesis

by JpH89 on Apr 4, 2011 5:13 PM EDT up reply actions

Or does the situation change cause you know these guys personally. Cause if thats the case its hypercritical.

Then call me a hypocrite. If Geoff goes off on my and tears me a new one with jokes (or even if he is serious) I will laugh (or have a discussion with him). If you do it, you might have a completely different response. With certain levels of familiarity come certain “benefits”, at least in my book.

Geoff has Boosh, Mike's got Powe, Nodl is all mine!
Is this the right room for an argument?

by DLJr on Apr 5, 2011 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions

Are we familiar enough for me to call you an ass?

Because I don’t necessarily want to spend any time with you or do anything else to get more familiar, but I do want to be allowed to call you an ass.

by Eric T. on Apr 6, 2011 11:21 PM EDT up reply actions

But celebrating his physical harm? Not cool.

If you think he serves no real use on the team, that is one thing, but to celebrate injuries? Not funny.

Writer at SB Nation's Philadelphia Union blog, The Brotherly Game. Follow me on Twitter.
Keep Hope Alive

by Justin F. on Apr 4, 2011 4:58 PM EDT up reply actions

This was a great read, and i will keep that in mind. However, i must admit I have trouble empathizing with athletes due to the ridiculous amounts of money they earn.

by GrilledCheese on Apr 4, 2011 5:04 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t think the amount of money someone earns makes him/her less of a human.

Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement.

by doubleh on Apr 4, 2011 9:38 PM EDT up reply actions

Applause.

Contributor at The Brotherly Game, SBN's Philadelphia Union blog

by Ben Feldman on Apr 4, 2011 5:04 PM EDT reply actions

slow clap for you, sir. Jody Shelly is a commendable man, but that does not mean I can support him as a hockey player on our team. I have no problem with him, just I don’t like that he is legally property of the Flyers. He is a true soldier, he gives it his all every night, and its not his fault his all is not very good. He plays with heart, that’s what matters. That being said, his talent does not effect his impact as a human being. All of these players are humans with mothers, fathers, grandparents, friends, some with children and other loved ones. None of that should be diminished by the fact they play ice hockey. Yes, they did know what they were getting in to when becoming an NHL player but please respect them as individuals as well. Even Avery.

Soon to be Sestitos Stache

by Cillo stache on Apr 4, 2011 5:22 PM EDT reply actions

We have a job site saying that I always try to remember -
“It always easier when your not the guy on the ladder” meaning it’s easier to see stuff when your on the the ground looking up at the guy on the ladder.

by j reed on Apr 4, 2011 5:44 PM EDT reply actions

That clearly depends on if the guy on the ladder is wearing a kilt or not.

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Broad Street Hockey - SBN's Philadelphia Flyers blog. 2010 Eastern Conference Champions.

by Travis Hughes on Apr 4, 2011 6:01 PM EDT up reply actions

I didnt know “Hey! Arnold” worked construction now.

Samesis

by JpH89 on Apr 4, 2011 6:09 PM EDT up reply actions

And that I suppose depends on what tools the guy on the ground prefers. Though it’s been my experience that it’d be very much a No Kilt Zone…..not that there’s anything wrong with kilts.

by j reed on Apr 4, 2011 6:51 PM EDT up reply actions

enjoyed the read

its the emotional aspect to being a human not the cool calculating side that created sports like hockey, baseball, soccer, etc and I prefer to see the human side that you discuss more than the calculating business side that others seem to impose on the team.

by Hans S on Apr 4, 2011 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

Wait, does this mean we can’t make fun of Avery’s work in the fashion industry?

I'm kind of a dick.

by Vansteel on Apr 4, 2011 6:43 PM EDT reply actions

Absolutely not! Avery’s attitude more than permits ridiculing his “leiderhosen” photos.

by 92-74-99-96 on Apr 4, 2011 8:36 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions

Great post! I’ve never “met” any hockey players, but when I was at spring training a few weeks ago, I realized that the players are people too, they just play their favorite game as a job. I always think about sports and sometimes how horrible it is that each player is waiting for another player to get injured to get their chance. I don’t like wishing injury on anyone, or even asking for autographs for that matter. The players are humans just trying to make a living, just like us.

by JLS89 on Apr 4, 2011 7:44 PM EDT reply actions

Fantastic! Very thought provoking. :-)

by FireFly48 on Apr 4, 2011 8:33 PM EDT reply actions

Posting this one.

NIce job I will post to my Internet page. The next step is to think that way also about the other team’s players we love to hate all thetime.

by Fr. Orange and Black on Apr 4, 2011 10:00 PM EDT reply actions

very good post, good sir.

I appreciate hearing things like this- about what the players are like as people and not what they do on the ice. Not to sound cliche, but Flyers are people too. They have lives off the ice as well, and that doesn’t get covered a lot, and perhaps rightfully so. I’m sure some of the players least favorite aspect of being a professional athlete is being on TVs on at least a regional level, and would absolutely cringe at the thought of having cameras on them 24/7, like the Pens and Caps did to close out 2010 for the HBO series.

There’s two points I take away from this:

1. We’re a celebrity society, there’s no two ways about it. Athletes fit into that category, so there’s this tendency to think that they are above it all because of their wealth or high status in life. They really aren’t. This is why I cringe at the commercialization of college athletes, and absolutely abhor any high school sports on national networks. That is a lot of pressure to be placed on a 15-18 year old kid, and a lot of times they can’t handle it.

2. While we get glimpses into what these people’s lives are like off the ice, we don’t know the whole picture. We can only make assumptions based on this or that. In no way, shape or form am I endorsing what he does on the ice, but Matt Cooke and his wife have a foundation for families who are struggling with… well, I’ll just post a link here:
http://foundationofhope.ca/. You would NEVER guess that he does that based on his on-ice behavior.

Cutting down the mightiest trees in the forest with herrings since 1981 and channeling my inner Hextall since '87

by goldomatic on Apr 5, 2011 1:04 AM EDT reply actions

Great post. I agree 100%. I can still make fun of “No Goal” Nodl for not scoring since that is hockey related right?

by chrislanci on Apr 5, 2011 1:37 AM EDT reply actions

definitely a great post, rec’d

...yay
...I'm drunk and pessimistic
i hate cam newton.
***on the bandwagon for give more weapons for henne, let's see if he performs then***

by naf snihplod on Apr 5, 2011 1:46 AM EDT reply actions

A really good post mikefive. I totally agree with the points you brought up. We’re all guilty of getting to involved and forgetting the human side of sport. Light hearted banter is ok in my book but it should never get personal.

Growing up with Rugby i learnt from an early age the respect we should show each other, opposing teams, and even their fans.

Respect is one of the most important things to me and its great to see a post like this.

Powe!, right in the kisser!

by UKFlyer on Apr 5, 2011 10:09 AM EDT reply actions