So I saw my ol' buddy Travis Hughes on my list of GChat contacts the other day and I was like, "Hey, I miss that guy, I should totally try to remember what we used to have in common." And then I was like "Oh! We both used to write about the Flyers back when the Flyers used to play hockey! I remember those days! Fun times!"
So I was making some polite idle chitchat with Travis and jokingly said that if the Flyers ever played hockey again I'd be happy to do a recap, like I did back when the team still existed as a hockey playing organization.
Turned out I should have consulted Yahoo! Answers or something before promising my services, because apparently the Flyers are still a hockey team who plays games! I know, right?? Not only that, imagine my surprise to learn that they had a game this very Saturday afternoon!
So, I watched! And they won!
Here's what I saw:
- Wikipedia, my favorite site for bold, controversial hockey debates and rumors, told me that the Flyers strategy this year has been not to score goals. They average the fewest goals of any team, and hadn't scored in their last two home games. Boys, if you miss DOOP that much, use your words, not your actions. Be grown-ups about your feelings and talk about them.
- Hitherto the Flyers had been pretty conservational when it came to their output, but playing against a team named for drilling the earth of its natural juices brought out the plunderers in them, and they scored quite a bit today. Also it didn't hurt that Edmonton had goaltending that was dub(nyk)ious at best. LOLOLOLOLSEEWHATIDIDTHERE.
- Everything started out going the Flyers way with a beautiful goal from Jay Rosehill, a player so clearly the leader of this team that he was left off our lineup previews all together. Rosehill got his (team leading?) first goal of the season to give the Flyers an early lead, and as he turned to celebrate his nose glowed pinkish-red. Just like Rudolph, Jay Rosehill is sure to be the one to lead us through this foggy Christmas Eve we call the NHL regular season.
- Recently coiffed Scott Hartnell scored next. It was nice having him score because I remember who he is and to be honest I can't say that for most of these dudes. Pardon my French, but what the heck is a Raffl?
- Edmonton scored in the second period but, like, whatever. It wasn't too dire a situation, because right before that Jay Roshill had proven his LEADERSHIP with a really awesome exchanging of punches with some guy for some reason. LEADERSHIP.
- Do I have to tell you how good Steve Mason is? I think I do? I remember back when the Flyers got Steve Mason people here were all like "LOL HE SUXX FLYERS SO DUMB" but actually he's really good. And you all should've known that from the beginning because if ever someone gains national acclaim from a hellhole like Columbus, Ohio, it's because he's a truly remarkable human being. Even Jeffie couldn't hack it there, and Jeffie is amazing.
- I miss Jeffie.
- Did Jeffie watch this game? Only Jeffie (and anyone who might have been around Jeffie during the time this game was contested) knows for sure, but I bet he was wondering why his old teammate Claude Giroux hadn't scored yet. Claude Giroux used to score a lot (though only 13 goals last year, to be fair). Through the first two periods Giroux kept trying to score but he wasn't scoring, and he got pretty cranky about it and broke his stick over the boards. But then...
- Giroux scored! It was a fairly pretty goal, too, despite what I always hear about slumpbusters being ugly. He was really excited about it! And so were the announcers! And so were all his teammates, because, like I said, he was getting pretty cranky when he wasn't scoring. Jay Rosehill's LEADERSHIP really helped Claude and the rest of the team out in a big way.
- Evidently some broseph paid like eight dollars or something for the novelty domain name didgirouxscoreyet.com and he doesn't even think enough of his investment to update it quickly. That man is clearly a financially irresponsible individual.
- Old-timer Vincent Lecavalier scored also. Another benefactor of Jay Rosehill's amazing effort today.
- Flyers improve to 5-10-1 with today's triumph, and take the escalator up one level on the Metro, passing the aforementioned hellhole that is Columbus.
- Flyers still need to win a lot of games to be a relevant, non-sad team, but today was a beautiful start to what appears to be an inevitable Stanley Cup. Just remember and stop and smell the Rosehill along the way. It smells like LEADERSHIP.
- Going to a hockey game is clearly something a lot of people approach with varying levels of dignity. There was an old woman sitting in the first row behind the Flyers bench who had her right hand in a cast, clearly from punching somebody in the face as she mugged them for her awesome seats. She wore all sorts of buttons on her jersey and stuff and I appreciated the polish of her look. Behind the Oilers bench, however, there was some schmuck wearing grey sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. Dude, you're front row in a pseudo-nationally televised game. Make an effort.
- Oh also, I told Travis that if the Flyers won I would keep doing these recaps until they lost again, so you might be stuck with me for the next 67 straight games if everything goes according to plan. And it's a good thing, because I kind of think my recaps were the only reason the Flyers ever used to win games in the first place. I'm a little rusty but I think I'll get the hang of this hockey thing eventually.
- ? ROTHENBERG RECAP RIDDLE #1 ? Explain the two degrees of separation between this 1967 Eurovision entry for Luxembourg and the 2011-2012 Philadelphia Flyers.
Questions with Answers
- Saturday afternoon game featuring two bad teams. Does anybody actually watch this game? I did! I did!
- Flyers' 30th-ranked offense against Edmonton's 30th-ranked defense today. Who wins that clash of the Titans? The Flyers do!! But I think you got your Titans mixed up, it was the *Houston* Oilers who moved to Tennessee and became the Titans, not the ones from Canada. It's okay, sometimes sports are confusing.
- Steve Mason: still good? A-mason-g (pronounced "amazing")
- something something Claude Giroux something score goals something. Yes actually Claude Giroux still score(s) goals occasionally. But not like our Rosehill.
Comment of the Day
"oh yeah, now we're talkin"
>> j reed.
That's all. Go Flyers.