In Which the Flyers Fall to 4-1-1, and Are Now TERRIBLE

Capitals 5, Flyers 2.

THE FLYERS SUCK NOW.

I take back everything I ever said about this team in the first paragraph of my Boston recap. That goalie WE are paying all this money to stop all the shots? He didn't stop all the shots! WTF?!? And Jaromir Jagr is not a fine wine--he's like a mildewy old Czech cheese! And this Wayne Simmonds we were all excited about? He didn't score once! What a loser!

You remember all those awesome YouTube clips I embedded this afternoon? Well, I don't even think this game will even be allowed onto YouTube. So if you missed seeing it live, you're out of luck. Since this is my first time in the pressbox in Philadelphia, I felt obliged to call all the media here together for a meeting. We agreed that no one but me would even write about this game, to spare others the anguish. I'm selfless like that.

So here are all the important things you need to know:

• For all the talk about how tough and smart and Finnish Kimmo Timonen is, there is not nearly enough discussion of his hair. Imagine my surprise today to see him sporting a Carter-esque crew cut. It's a sharp look.
• Simultaneous penalties to Danny Briere and Alex Semin set up a 4-on-4 less than two minutes into the game, and Laviolette sent Jakub Voracek and Brayden Schenn onto the ice. Results were less than spectacular. The two couldn't forecheck at all, and Andreas Lilja was forced to take a penalty. Not a smart way to baptize Schenn onto this team. Consider his NHL career ruined.
• Tomas Vokoun wears different pads in practice and games. I find this odd.
• Couturier scored in the last minute, on the Flyers' 42nd shot. The goal horn sounds way louder when the arena is totally empty.
• After the morning skate, James van Riemsdyk was talking animatedly to Andreas Nodl and Wayne Simmonds about how much he likes the movie Miracle, calling it one of the best sports movies ever. As if this is supposed to be surprising that an American hockey player would like it.
• Wayne Simmonds should wear a visor. As should everyone, but especially him, as a young guy who plays in front of the net.
• Claude Giroux does sexy things on breakaways.
• I spoke in the second period thread fanshot about the stellar job Dany Sabourin: Opener (of) Doors did tonight, but Sergei Bobrovsky did not open a single door tonight. He has some guy on the bench to do that for him. Bob = Royalty.
  
• I wonder what Kevin Weekes thinks of all this?
  

After the jump, questions answered and a comment of the night.

1. How does Schenn look in his Flyers debut? And where does he play? Schenn was all over the place. He played in the Wells Fargo Center (come on Travis, give me a tough one next time.
   
2. Considering we don't expect Schenn to play on the fourth line (although I guess he could), who gets bumped down, and how does that impact that player? Couturier got bumped down, but scored anyway. He's a bit of a boss.
   
3. We're expecting some sort of shakeup. If that shakeup impacts the Briere line, does it help get Danny out of his funk? Nope, but nor did it impact his ability to commit stick infractions.
   
4. Jaromir Jagr needs a goal. Is tonight the night? No.
   
5. Vokoun vs. Bryzgalov. What happens there? The two actually weren't very near each other at any point during play, so I can't answer this question in good faith.
   
6. Which line goes head-to-head with Ovechkin and Backstrom for most of the night, and like in previous years, can this Flyers team still frustrate Ovi with their strong defensive play? I wasn't paying attention. And no.
   

Comment of the Night:

I wasn't paying tremendous attention to the threads either, so I'll give the comment of the night to Peter Laviolette:

Question (by yours truly): As the coach, what do you do to get your team to take fewer penalties?

Peter Laviolette: Get a handle on it. Gotta get a handle on it.

So now you know.

80-1-1 is still on the board. Go Flyers.