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Dressed for Failure: Maple Leafs 3, Flyers 2

Any way you look at it, these Flyers are a mess.

Dude, Steve, what are you even doing here?
Dude, Steve, what are you even doing here?
John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

While the 10th-place Flyers were playing the 14th-place Maple Leafs tonight, the internet was understandably more entertained by a photo of a dress.

Some people think this dress in the photo is white and gold, like you would wear to a summer wedding or a toga party or maybe a super fancy Flyers playoff game. Other people insist the dress is actually black and blue, like you might wear to a job interview for a job you don't want or a funeral or a day in April when you're gonna sit around and cry because the Flyers missed the playoffs.

So, what do you see?


The photo, incontrovertibly, shows white and gold, and so you should look at it and think that the Flyers are going to make the playoffs! Yay! 

But in reality the dress is blue and your brain is playing tricks on you and the Flyers won't make the playoffs. Fuck that dress and fuck hockey.

The Flyers played shiny, golden hockey tonight, and at one point they were outshooting the Maple Leafs 33-10. This, by any logic, should win you a hockey game. Instead, they were losing 3-0, and ultimately lost 3-2. It was awful to behold.

The second amendment should be repealed, but I'm gonna give you all the bullets you need.

  • Philadelphia Flyers goaltender Rob Zepp was the starter of this game, and he let in two goals on eight shots, which isn't great but wasn't atrocious either given that they were solid shots. Then Craig Berube pulls him and puts in Steve Mason, even though Mason had been saying he wasn't ready yet (and has been incredibly breakable this year). I give up, you guys.
  • Adding to the misery, the CSN Philly broadcasters only then became obsessed with the fact that Rob Zepp's entire family was there watching him tonight and how awkward this must be for them to see their golden-orange child undressed by the team in blue. They brought it up again during the intermission just to twist the knife.
  • We need more Brian Boucher in our lives, all of us. Btw does anyone know where Geoff is I miss him.
  • Normally a solid outfit, CSN Philly was way off tonight. They played a promo clip at one point about how tickets were for sale to see the Flyers play the Blues and Flames, and instead of video of actual hockey, they only used fight footage. I know people like fights, and that bloodthirst is a Flyersian virtue, but it was pretty sad.
  • Eurovision 2015 is nearly here (with Australia?!?) and you should be excited because Latvia's entry this year is actually pretty decent and it's shaping up to be a really weak field this year. Jolly Rogers go, bitches.
  • Ending with a plea: I wanna go to the Sharks-Flyers game on March 28th. Anybody wanna give me ticket(s)? I'll go by myself or I'll totally go with you and amuse you during the game if that's what you want. I have stories about Oskars Bartulis and other cool stuff that would easily keep you entertained for a whole TV timeout.
The Flyers can still make the playoffs, which is almost more annoying than inspiring at this point given how they feel as secure as you would in a white and gold dress while holding back violent IBS. Still, it would be cool if the Flyers made the playoffs, so I hope they do. Go Flyers.