clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Flyers totally lose to the Hurricanes because we don't win anymore. Bad!

New, comments

Donald J. Trump provides his recap of the Flyers-Hurricanes game, in which the Flyers totally lost in regulation.

Branden Camp/Getty Images

Wow, look at all these readers. Hundreds -- thousands! More readers than most journalists see over many years, probably their entire careers. Thank you very much. That's nice. That's very nice.

It's really great to be here at the fabulous Broad Street Hockey blog. People tell me it is one of the -- if not the -- best and most honest hockey sites on this wonderful portion of the Internet. And you know, they've always been fair to me. I've read this blog for years and they're always fair. So I'm glad you all came here -- wow, look at all these readers, it's unbelievable -- instead of the failing Canes Country, which, by the way, I'm hearing is losing thousands, if not tens of thousands of readers and dollars every week. And they're very unfair to me and just so totally dishonest. Very unfair.

People ask me all time: "Oh, why is Donald J. Trump, who is perhaps the most successful businessman of all time and author of The Art of The Deal -- New York Times bestseller and probably the best business book ever written -- writing about hockey?" And, you know, it's funny. You would think Ted Cruz would be better at this than I am because he's Canadian. And that's an issue we're going to have to look into. Whether or not he can be president, because some very smart lawyers have called it into question. Okay? I wouldn't do that, but people are talking about it.

But no, Travis Hughes, one of the most respected journalists and a great guy -- great guy. Isn't he terrific, folks? Just a great guy -- he passed over Ted Cruz. Who nobody likes, by the way, because he lies. The guy lies, what can I say? How can evangelicals support the guy when he lies so much? No, no. Travis picked me over Cruz because he knows that I have the stamina to deliver the best game recap that Broad Street Hockey has ever seen.

And I know many of you think this blog has been dead. But now that I'm writing here I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make Broad Street Hockey great again!

Nobody watches more hockey than me, folks. Believe me, no one. And I can say, without a doubt, the first period was shaping up to be the most boring periods of hockey ever played. Both teams come out -- by the way, the Hurricane's alternate jersey is just horrendously bad. Terrible. It has some kind of flag on it that is just so disrespectful to our veterans. We treat them so poorly -- we really do. Just awful. They fight for our country, then they come home to see their hockey team waving a flag other than our country's? It's horrible, really. Terrible.

The teams come out and play such low energy hockey that I swear, I thought I was at a Jeb Bush campaign rally. Our guys were missing the net left and right. Missing the net! You have one job on the team and you can't do it. Even terrific guys like Wayne Simmonds, who is a great guy, really. Well, he had one of the best scoring chances of the period and totally whiffed on the shot.

When the Flyers finally scored, it was probably the single weakest shots I had ever seen. Scott Laughton, who, by the way, was covered by the Hurricanes defense. Absolutely covered -- he lets off this shot that anyone could have stopped, but Cam Ward -- who is a total loser, by the way -- lets it in! This guy is paid millions of dollars every year and he can't stop a puck. Sad!

But it's not like our guy is much better. Really -- at the start of the second period, after our guys did a terrific job killing a penalty -- really a terrific job, Neuvirth overturned the puck to this Nordstrom guy. By the way, speaking of department stores, I just read the other day that Macy's is losing a lot of money since I dropped them. A lot of money because they're so totally dishonest. So Nordstrom shoots the puck right into an empty net that was totally not covered in any way.

It's pretty clear what we have to do here, folks. Okay? We need to build a wall in front of the net -- not a fence, a wall. There's a difference. And it'll have a door, and by the way Carolina is going to pay for the wall. The unfair media, they're so dishonest. I saw a report from a guy -- I don't know the guy, never met him -- he says, he says "Donald Trump can't get Carolina to pay for the wall", but believe me, I will. I'm very good. Carolina will pay for the wall. And there will be a door in the wall so we only let the good goals in. If you don't have a way of controlling what's crossing the goal line -- and believe me the pucks are pouring in because we have no security. None, whatsoever. If you don't control that, you don't have a hockey team, okay?

Luckily, the Flyers were angry -- you know they looked a lot like the American people -- they're angry about the special interests that control our politicians. The Flyers totally dominated the period after that goal. There was offensive -- you know everybody finds everything so offensive anymore because of political correctness -- offensive zone presence like you wouldn't believe. Trust me, it was absolutely wonderful.

It really is sad that our guys can play so well and be treated so completely unfairly by the refs. They ended the period losing 2-1 because the refs helped Carolina -- which, by the way they love me in Carolina. The polls show me up by many points. The refs helped Carolina score. Not good!

So at this point I'm thinking, we really need to figure out what's going on, and have our leaders get us out of this mess. And did they? No, of course not, because our leaders are so totally stupid. Instead, after completely failing to equalize the game, the other Staal guy -- who, by the way, it's kind of funny that the Staal brothers both scored tonight and Jeb Bush can't follow the success of his brother. It's just interesting. So the Staal guy scores, and now the Flyers are looking like they're going to lose.

Because they we so completely desperate, Hakstol pulled the goalie and left the border to the net totally unprotected. Did it work? Of course not, because we don't win anymore!

  • In the first period, Brandon Manning totally missed a loose puck in front of the net that should have gone in. It should have gone in. I would have made sure it went in, believe me. Why's this guy allowed to play? He's a total stone cold loser out there, and the Flyers leaders are just so stupid for letting him play over the Russian guy. You know the thing about Russia is that Putin is strong. When you have leaders like Putin -- Russia is killing us, by the way. Absolutely killing us. Strong leadership is how you get results, and the Flyers need that.
  • Speaking of leadership, the coaching staff on this team is very very stupid, they're stupid. Have you seen some of these roster decisions? Matt Read -- first he's in, then he's not in, and guess what? Oh, Hakstol decides, "I've made a mistake" and puts him back in. Hakstol, who is a very nice guy, he really is, but he doesn't know what he's doing. Look at the second power play group tonight if you want to see what I mean. Folks, if I were in charge of this team, I would hire only the best coaches, who, by the way it's tragic that the Flyers didn't hire Mike Babcock, it's totally tragic. No, if I were in charge we would have the best in the world behind the bench.
  • Before the game started, I did some research and it turns out -- get this, I think you'll find this very interesting. It turns out that the Carolina Hurricanes have eight Americans on their roster. Eight Americans, how great is that? The Flyers have three. Only three. Canada is killing us. They're literally taking jobs on our team -- some, I assume, are good people -- but we need to stop this. I don't know what to tell you, but we need to stop it. The Hurricanes have more Americans and they won. They won!
  • Scott Laughton looked totally amazing tonight, he really did. I thought he was a disappointment at first, but maybe I was wrong. I'm not often wrong, but maybe I was. He really looked great out there with Matt Read so we should do that more.
  • Claude Giroux, who is supposed to be the captain of this team, didn't even bother to play tonight. He's a soft, weak, little baby. Sad!
  • The refs tonight were so unfair. They really were. They called one of the worst penalties I've seen tonight against Matt Read. They said he tripped a guy. That wasn't a trip. Believe me, I know what a trip is and that wasn't a trip. One of the refs even set up Jordan Staal for the Hurricanes second goal. The ref kicked it to him. He kicked it. That's cheating and, you know, it's a lot like how Ted Cruz cheated in Iowa. Which really should be thrown out. Iowa should be thrown out and the second Hurricanes goal should be thrown out.
  • Couturier and Voracek -- what a team, folks, what a team. Couturier, the guy misses a bunch of games, okay? He comes out tonight and absolutely kills it with Voracek. Really unbelievable stuff. These guys should stay together because if they do we'll start winning -- we used to win, but we don't win anymore. If you keep these guys together, we're going to win so much you'll be sick of winning.

Questions to Answer:

Couturier is back! What's he do?

Couturier is a winner. Plain and simple, folks, this guy likes to win. Jim Jackson, a well respected pundit who everyone knows is honest and fair, said Couturier looked like he had no rust. I agree!

Manning is also back. (No exclamation points there.) Can him and Gudas fare alright together?

You know if I were going to be mean I would say that Manning doesn't belong in the league, but I won't say that. I'm a very nice person. People love me. They love me, I love them. So I would never say that.

Does anyone in particular raise their Trade Value with a strong performance here tonight?

Look folks, I can tell you a lot about raising value. I'm incredibly successful and tremendously rich. If anyone knows about raising value, it's me. And I can say tonight, without a doubt, that Andrew MacDonald's value has gone through the roof. Ron Hextall should get on the phone and negotiate a deal -- you know if I negotiated, I'm very good. Very good. If I negotiated this deal we would win, I'll tell you that.


Each of the other three games this year between these teams has been pretty even, with each going to OT before the Flyers ultimately prevailed. Is this one also even or does one team put their foot down and dominate it?

The Flyers so totally dominated tonight, folks, they really did. But thanks so a few lucky bounces the Canes were able to illegally steal this game.


Point streak?

As dead as ISIS when I become president, I'll tell you.

Comment of the night: