Man, it’s nice to have the boys back in town. Well, technically speaking, out of town, but...you get the idea.
As we prepare for this fresh new start, I tried to think of some good ideas to get the season off on the right foot. What’s the one unifier among us?, I wondered. Hockey, duh doy, but what besides that? Music, of course! This is an emotional sport that we follow, and what better to help you celebrate the highs and wallow in the lows than a selection of pre-made playlists created by yours truly. (The Spotify playlists are linked in each header, thanks to me, a genius.)
Enjoy! Or don’t! Taste is subjective.
For the first game of the season
New season, new you!
1. Dreams and Nightmares (Intro), Meek Mill
The first track off the Philadelphia native’s debut album is the perfect way to set the stage for the upcoming season. Dreams and nightmares? Sure sounds like my Philadelphia Flyers!
2. Eye of the Tiger, Survivor
While it’s perhaps a little on the nose, Survivor’s rock anthem remains classic while also harkening back to images of Rocky and Apollo Creed, the true heroes of our time.
3. Tom Sawyer, Rush
The lead single off one of the defining pieces of 80s rock, Tom Sawyer is perfectly confident for a season opener. Plus, it’s literally impossible to listen to Geddy Lee’s screeching tenor without feeling a distinct desire to get the fuck up and do some jumping jacks or something.
4. It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock ‘n’ Roll), AC/DC
Hah, heard that, AC/DC! This song is sick. Not much else to say. Next.
5. Sabotage, Beastie Boys
The Beastie Boys had to be on this playlist because, hey, what’s more exciting than this? A badass song for a (hopefully) badass season.
6. Pursuit of Happiness, Kid Cudi, MGMT, Ratatat, Steve Aoki
The Flyers used this remix several years ago as a warm-up, and once you’ve heard it, you immediately realize why. It’s the perfect electro-house jam.
7. All That I Know, Moosh & Twist
Twist opens the first verse with a tone-setter: “You already know just where I be dog, I ain’t being cocky/But Philly what I’m reppin’, watch me check it like it’s hockey.” All That I Know has slick, polished bars, an earworm of a chorus, and is altogether an absolutely addictive listen.
8. Money Longer, Lil Uzi Vert
Still one of the most iconic examples of critic-dubbed “mumble rap”, the song that helped launch the global Lil Uzi Vert brand is cocky, self-assured, and well-suited for this playlist.
9. Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh), Rich Homie Quan
Managing to sound incredibly relaxed over the bouncing beat, Quan gives us a three-minute long brag session, and who among us can’t relate to that? Oh, all of us? Still, great song.
10. Space Jam Theme, Quad City DJ’s
Though Space Jam is a movie about basketball that literally stars Michael Jordan, the theme to this iconic film is a flawless closer to pump you up for the start of the season.
For Nolan Patrick’s first NHL goal
Sweet baby boy Paddycakes has tallied. May he continue to fuck up some box scores. Long may he rain on these hoes. Amen.
1. You’ve Made Me So Very Happy, Blood, Sweat & Tears
I could cut this playlist after this song, to be quite honest. This song bangs, and Blood, Sweat & Tears is legendary. I am screaming this song as I type these words. Imagine me screaming it lovingly at Nolan.
2. D.R.A.M. Sings Special, D.R.A.M. (uncredited), Chance The Rapper
The first interlude on Chance’s third mixtape, Coloring Book, Special is so distressingly sweet that it’ll give you a cavity. Brush your teeth, or pay the price.
3. Build Me Up Buttercup, The Foundations
Would Nolan ever break our hearts? Fortune says “never.”
4. You Make My Dreams, Hall & Oates
Philadelphia legends Daryl Hall and John Oates deliver an absolute bop on this track, and quite frankly, the 19-year-old from Winnipeg sure does make my dreams come true.
5. Unforgettable, Nat and Natalie King Cole
This remix edits Nat’s original solo to a duet with his daughter. It’s a standard for a reason. Beautiful, just like our very good boy.
6. You Raise Me Up, Josh Groban
Josh Groban killed six cherubs in the dark sacrifice necessary to create this fuckin’ masterpiece, a tour-de-force for the vocalist. The least we can do is dedicate it to Our Son.
7. Can’t Tell Me Nothing, Kanye West
Transitioning now from dreamy thankfulness into slightly more he’s hot shit and we all know it territory, West’s first single off the revered Graduation album is the perfect song for this, our perfect beautiful child.
8. Me Too, Meghan Trainor
Trainor’s electronic self-love anthem only continues that theme, and I, for one, would love to see Nolan Patrick just rip this song to shreds at Adobe or something.
9. I’m the One, DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, Lil Wayne
2017’s summer jam is the perfect penultimate song for this playlist, and while he maybe didn’t go first, he’s definitely the one to us.
10. The Greatest, Sia, Kendrick Lamar
Sia and Kendrick go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you look for the song facts about this tune, you’ll note it was literally written about Nolan “Rosy Cheeks” Patrick.
For when a player gets injured
Getting hurt is a part of life, you just didn’t think it would hurt this bad.
1. Hurt, Johnny Cash
Sure, Cash’s Nine Inch Nails cover may be predictable, but it’s the best cover song of all time, and sometimes, you just gotta cry it out.
2. Physical Pain, Joan Armatrading
Joan Armatrading’s music is completely underrated, so if this is what it takes to get more people to listen to her, then I’ll do what I have to do.
3. Bodies, Drowning Pool
Hey, it sucks seeing a dude get injured! What better to work off that frustration than literally the only Drowning Pool song I know?
4. S.O.B., Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats
Rateliff and the band’s debut single is the catchiest and most socially acceptable way to yell “son of a bitch” at the top of your lungs.
5. Don’t Lose Your Temper, XTC
XTC’s wild new wave, art rock style is impossible to duplicate, much like the understanding but frustrated anger with an injured player.
6. The Show Must Go On, Queen
Mercury recorded this song while dying from AIDS and absolutely crushed it. The least you can do is stop being a baby about a hockey team.
7. Shake It Out, Florence + The Machine
Well, it was either this or Taylor Swift.
8. Float On, Modest Mouse
“Bad things will eventually get better,” says a humble rodent. Don’t believe it, though, because they write about depressing shit like, almost exclusively.
9. Roll with the Changes, REO Speedwagon
REO Speedwagon is a gem of mid-1970s American rock, and I stand by the fact that the use of this song in 24/7 was exceptionally clever. (By the way, someone on Spotify helpfully compiled all the songs used in the Flyers/Rangers 24/7 here.)
10. L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N., Noah And The Whale
Acceptance: the final stage of grief. He’ll be back. He always comes back. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.
For when a player gets traded
Assuming it’s a player you like, of course! If not, please skip forward to the “for a big win” playlist!
1. Stay, Rihanna
The Queen of Barbados and also Queen of The World’s voice has never sounded so heart-wrenchingly beautiful than on this track with Mikky Ekko. Don’t cry. You can keep it together.
2. Last Kiss, Pearl Jam
Eddie Vedder has perpetual marble mouth, but this song is very sweet and very depressing, so here you go, Pearl Jam fans, you scamps.
3. Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd
Pink Floyd’s song about detachment and loneliness is easily one of the most beautiful songs ever written, and even from the first notes of the opening riff, it’s enough to make you sob! Perfect!
4. I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You, Colin Hay
Colin Hay’s claim to fame was as the frontman of Men at Work (remember Down Under? Great song), but Hay’s solo career has produced some absolute bangers, including this unsubtly upsetting song which totally fits the mood.
5. Night Changes, One Direction
Had to get a 1D song in here somewhere. Night Changes is the best One Direction song, and you can fight me on that, if you still have strong opinions on One Direction in the year of our Lord 2017.
6. Don’t Look Back In Anger, Oasis
Despite the fact that Oasis is kind of a meme now (speaking of, here’s Wonderwall), Don’t Look Back In Anger is a warning against dwelling on those who’ve wronged you. Just in case you were looking to direct your hate towards a certain angry goaltender Dad.
7. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), The Proclaimers
One hit wonder extraordinaire, The Proclaimers, really friggin’ nailed this one, huh? This jam is all about dedication, buddy. You’ll follow your boy anywhere. Even to St. Louis, which, as we all know, doesn’t exist.
8. Send My Love (To Your New Lover), Adele
Adele’s contentious album of the year winner 25 was so deep with hits that Send My Love was actually the third released single. This is the ultimate “no, I’m not bitter” song, even though, perhaps, you are still a little bitter.
9. Who Are You, The Who
In this context, this song is very petty. Sometimes, though, you just have to pretend like you’ve never met someone before and then ask, “who are you?”
10. Someone New, Hozier
Trades mean new boys! New boys! New boys! New boys! New boys!
For a big win
Sports? They’ve never been so good!
1. Get The Party Started, P!nk
P!nk’s second studio album, M!ssundaztood, is a perfect representation of her wheelhouse: strong vocals, good lyrics, and pop music with a decidedly alt-flair. The poppiest of the tracks, Get The Party Started, was, unsurprisingly, most popular.
2. Yeah!, Usher, Lil Jon, Ludacris
Usher and Lil Jon’s smash hit that helped launch crunk music into mainstream music (and the mid-2000s charts) remains just as fresh as the day it came out.
3. Big Pimpin’/Papercut, Jay Z, Linkin Park
Collision Course was the album that defined a generation of kids who couldn’t decide between rap and rock, and this mashup is the second best of the six. (Originally, this entry was just Big Pimpin’, but...Tidal. Enjoy this anyway.)
4. Team, Krewella
The description of the music video for Krewella’s electronic dance hit reads “Not ‘no new friends,’ it is ‘only real ones.’” Fitting. We’ve got real ones for days!
5. Praise You, Fatboy Slim
Aw man, I remember this song from way back when it was on Now That’s What I Call Music! 2. Always got me feelin’ hype.
6. Maria (I Like It Loud), Scooter
The song affectionately known as “Doop” became somewhat of a phenomenon for Philadelphia when it was originally adopted by the Union. After a good run as goal song, this eurotrash techno classic deserves a spot on the win list.
7. 7/11, Beyonce
The lead single from Beyonce’s eponymous platinum-edition album, 7/11 is a good ol’ fashioned party track. Ain’t nothin’ better.
8. Dope, BTS
Easily BTS’s most commercially successful venture at the time but their third EP, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 1 launched the group into mega-stardom, much thanks to this high-energy hip-hop/dance-pop hybrid hit now synonymous with their style.
9. Feeling Myself, Nicki Minaj, Beyonce
The second collab between the self-proclaimed queen of rap and Queen B did not disappoint, and this is a true jam for after a win.
10. Whipped Cream, Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass
I couldn’t help myself here. A fun little song from a quintessential album (if not solely for the cover art).
For a big loss
Sports? They’ve never been so bad.
1. The Sound of Silence, Disturbed
This haunting cover of the Simon and Garfunkel sad girl classic is a choice way to begin your next mental breakdown.
2. I Don’t Care Anymore, Phil Collins
You still care, but let's try to pretend for a while Phil lets the reverb on that set sing.
3. 9 Crimes, Damien Rice
This was, without a doubt, my favorite depression song while in high school. That says enough, I think.
4. Say Something, A Great Big World
If you were actually giving up on this awful team, you certainly wouldn't have made it to number four on a playlist dedicated to the emotional trauma they put you through, but again, let’s pretend.
5. Fix You, Coldplay
Chris Martin was never and will never be better than he was during Fix You. People overuse the word iconic a lot, but...wow, iconic.
6. hate u love u, gnash, Olivia O’Brien
Have to be honest, this is just getting depressing at this point.
7. Frustrated, R.LUM.R
This is the heavily produced and eclectic R&B of the future. R.LUM.R is a genius with a falsetto that challenges The Weeknd’s.
8. Dirty Work, Steely Dan
“I refuse to support this team further,” you say, while looking at the declining ticket prices on StubHub and immediately seizing the opportunity. You vulture.
9. Mad World, Gary Jules, Michael Andrews
Play this iconic Tears for Fears cover over the lowlights of the loss and by George, you’ve got yourself a viral tweet. 100 retweets, guaranteed.
10. Spirits, The Strumbellas
The Strumbellas are Canadian, so this song about fighting off your demons really jives with our theme. Guns in your head? Seek medical attention.
For when the Flyers beat the Penguins
Florals for spring? Groundbreaking.
1. Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough, Michael Jackson
Let’s get something straight. The Flyers will never get enough.
2. Smarter Than You, The Undertones
The Undertones have a great history of super fun punk-rock tracks that feel like spasms, and this song is no different, but its relation to this playlist really starts and stops with the title.
3. Smooth Sailing, Queens of the Stone Age
This song is just fuckin’ awesome start to finish, and it really does feel like smooth sailing after beating the Pens, doesn’t it?
4. Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Rebel Yell but instead of about a woman screaming for more D, it’s me screaming for more defense! Get it? Okay, goodbye.
5. Okay, I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don’t, Brand New
6. All I Do Is Win, DJ Khaled
I mean, can’t argue with straight fax, right?
7. Diva, Beyonce
Beyonce always carries a strong message of female empowerment, but this was the loudest and strongest example of that message in her career thus far. What can I say? The Flyers beating the Penguins always makes me feel like That Bitch.
8. Applause, Lady Gaga
Gaga’s weakest showing, Artpop, still had strong singles, namely this EDM jam that still gets stuck in my head and has distinct Tinkerbell overtones.
9. Power, Kanye West
The first single from West’s masterful My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, earned widespread critical acclaim, stayed on the Hot 100 charts for eight weeks, and is the perfect song for happily @ing Penguins fans on twitter after a win.
10. Freek-A-Leek, Petey Pablo
Don’t really have a reason for this excellent song being on the list other than to remind people of it.
For when the Penguins beat the Flyers
Hah! Good one.
For if the Flyers miss the playoffs
It’s dramatic, it’s tragic, it’s tradition.
1. Devil Town, Bright Eyes
Remember when this song was in Friday Night Lights? Sometimes, small Texas towns can also be Philadelphia, the city where sports go to die.
2. Streets of Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen
Forgive me, but I couldn’t avoid this song. It’s just too sad.
3. The Drugs Don’t Work, The Verve
The same can be said of me after Flyers losses. I take a handful of Advil and just...nothing.
4. Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt
James Blunt is so sad and exclusively makes sad music, so...it works here. Goodbye, The Flyers. We’ll see you never.
5. human, Christina Perri
This offering from Perri’s jittery mezzo is eerie to me for some reason, and honestly, I am only human, so why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m going home.
6. All Time Low, Jon Bellion
Wanna hear the lyric that sums up the last four years of Flyers hockey? “I’ve been trying to fix my pride, but that shit’s broken.” Literally same, Jon.
7. F**K All the Perfect People, Chip Taylor, The New Ukrainians
Yeah, fuck you, whomever makes the playoffs. We didn’t need that shit anyway. We’re above all that. We prefer sadness. It’s our choice.
8. This Year, The Mountain Goats
As I’ve previously tweeted, The Mountain Goats have a song for every unique form of sadness there is. This form of sadness is “things will get better maybe, and if they don’t, I’ll just die instead.”
9. I Will Follow You Into The Dark, Death Cab for Cutie
Would you die for the Flyers? I’m literally asking. Would you? I know that you would. This song is about dying for the Flyers (or something).
10. Until the Night, Billy Joel
This song is what I consider to be Billy Joel’s masterpiece. Beautiful vocals, beautiful piano, beautiful message. We’ll make it out of this. I hope.
For if the Flyers make the playoffs
Yes, bitch! Stanley Cup, here we come!
1. My Neck, My Back, Khia
Another Philadelphia native, Khia’s breakout song is just like, a fun one. Don’t, uh, don’t play it in front of kids though.
2. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
Lauper flexes her lyric soprano and hits a belted E5 effortlessly here, and boy, that makes your spine tingle and also explains why people should stop trying this thing at karaoke, Brian.
3. I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Whitney Houston
From icon to icon, we move to Queen Whitney who proved with this song, once and for all, that pop dance tracks with serious vocals are far better than pop dance tracks with basic vocals.
4. Peanut Butter Jelly, Galantis
My best friend Alex was the first person to play me this song, and she told me that her dad heard it at a spin class. So yeah. Pretty good stuff.
5. No Diggity, Blackstreet
No Diggity is one of those jams that just sticks with you until you’re dead. Excellent verses from Dr. Dre and Queen Pen pair well with the smooth vocals from the Blackstreet boys, whose harmonies blend effortlessly.
6. No More Mr. Nice Guy, Alice Cooper
Playoffs in a song.
7. You’ve Got Another Thing Coming, Judas Priest
Assuming that the Flyers make it into the playoffs by the skin of their teeth (what? I’m trying to be realistic here), they’ll be going in with a chip on their shoulder, and what’s more fun than that? Hockey’s so good when it’s good.
8. Final Countdown, Europe
16 wins, baby. It’s the final countdown!
9. Livin’ On A Prayer, Bon Jovi
Aren’t we all, Mr. Jovi? Plus, if all else fails, you can always revert to the Danny Briere version of this song that will haunt me until I’m six feet under.
10. Don’t Stop Me Now, Queen
The Flyers will not stop until they win the Cup or they lose four times against an opponent, whichever comes first. It’ll be fun no matter how it ends!