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Blues 2, Flyers 0: Shooting Blanks

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Flyboys Can’t Score, Yo.

Pictured: The Blues scoring. Not pictured: The Flyers scoring.
Kate Frese

Hello, my name is Ben, and I will be your recapper this evening. Like in the old days! But in the old days the Flyers used to score goals, and when I agreed to write this recap for the hockey website BroadStreetHockey.com, I expected to get to write about goals scored by the Flyers. Unfortunately I have had no such luck tonight but we’re going to try to make the best of this stupid situation, because that’s what 2017 is all about, right?

Let’s roll:

  • Hockey games requires scoring, and it’s not something the Flyers have been super-great at lately, if we’re being totally honest with each other. They didn’t score against the Kings (though Jeffie did! Hooray for Jeffie!) and then they didn’t score again tonight. A team that doesn’t score is like a bruise that doesn’t turn black and blue. It hurts you deep inside just the same, but does it even exist? These are the things I wonder.
  • I’m watching this game at a bar in DC and there’s a Wizards-Cavs game on a couple TVs over and I’m embarrassed by how much more entertaining it is. I am not much for the NBA, ever, so this is much more about the guys in orange and the ennui they inspire.
  • That’s enough despair, let’s talk some hockey specifics because that’s what you came here for: the Flyers lost 2-0 to the St. Louis Blues because they didn’t score for the second straight game. They outshot the Blues 11-1 in the first period and had nothing to show for it, and then the disappointment was too much to handle.
  • Remarkably more resilient? This Kenny Agostino fellow, who got hit in some ouchie area by a puck and then came back and scored a goal past Michael Neuvirth’s billowing sleeve.
  • Agostino then threw himself into the glass with complete unbridled glee, and Travis Hughes told me that it was the first goal Agostino had ever scored, and I thought that was kind of swell that he was willing to be so exuberant upon scoring, since so many dudes in the league try to act all cool and like they’ve been there before and it’s no big deal when they get their goal cherries popped. But it’s a huge deal! A very huge deal! And people should celebrate it! So when Agostino did, I was happy. BUT THEN Travis told me that it was actually his second goal, and it immediately went from charming and life-affirming to just terrible and obnoxious. We get it, dude. You scored. Woohoo.
  • Venn diagrams of Flyers I like and Flyers who are underappreciated defensemen generally overlap like a large butt and a small barstool. But where does Andrew MacDonald fit into that equation? I’m perplexed. Because on the one hand, he’s wildly unpopular, seemingly, because he gets paid so much money. But on the other hand, he’s not as bad as everyone says (maybe), and I want to feel bad for him and elevate him to a place of respect and admiration. This might be horribly misguided, but I’ve gone soft in my old age.
  • Is anyone else worried about where they’re hiding Shayne Gostisbehere? Shayne, if you can reach a phone, please call me or another adult and let us know you’re ok. You’re not playing and I don’t see you and I’m starting to check my watch more and more and look at the door in the hopes the knob will turn. But if you’re leaving, please don’t leave without saying goodbye, even if it is literally the most Ghosty thing you could ever do.
  • Sports are rough, man. I spent last night watching a football game and getting all excited that a team I don’t care about could somehow restore my faith in this world by winning. And when they didn’t, shit got real dark. This Flyers game didn’t exactly help. Light up my life, Flyers. Or at least light up the lamp. Either or.

Flyers will probably be better than this at some point in the future, which is good. Go Flyers.