Claude Giroux is going to be a dad!!!

HEY I DON’T KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS BUT CLAUDE GIROUX IS GOING TO BE A FATHER.

I had just awoken from a restful slumber. I was playing with my cat, Cashew, and trying repeatedly to teach him it is not okay to scratch and bite, and then I got the Instagram notification. Often, Ryanne Giroux’s posts are of her and Claude’s dogs, glamour shots of Claude looking nice in a game-day suit, or inspirational quotes about improving your life and sparking joy.

Today, however, as I sat in my pajamas, still half-asleep, I innocently tapped on the notification, and my entire morning was completely flipped upside down.

Claude Giroux is going to be a dad! In August, which is literally only six months away! He’s going to have a tiny son! As often as I have called Claude Giroux my father, now he literally is going to be one, for real! I am beside myself. I don’t even know what to do with my hands.

Congratulations to Claude and Ryanne, I am so thrilled for the both of you. Also, if I even have to see one measly take from folks on the world wide web about how fatherhood has ruined our captain or whatever, I will start throwing hands. There will be physical brawls. It will happen.

Goddamn it. I mean, stop it! Stop it! Stop it right this instant, I am going to start bawling and it will be uncomfortable for everyone involved.