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Why we hate the Columbus Blue Jackets

What’s so good about Ohio anyway?

Philadelphia Flyers v Columbus Blue Jackets Photo by Jamie Sabau/NHLI via Getty Images

Our tour around the Metro continues, and we’re turning now and taking a chance to beat up on the Blue Jackets a little bit. There’s a lot here, things to dislike about the Blue Jackets, and things to dislike about, well, just Columbus itself. It’s given our staff lots to work with, so let’s just dive right in with their thoughts.

Maddie: Ugh, it’s gotta be the cannon. I’ve never even been to a Blue Jackets game live but I hate it. I just know I would get spooked by it and it’s annoying on tv. It’s too much, folks. I just don’t need it.

Ryan Q.: Well, first of all, they’re in Columbus, which is perhaps the most useless place on the planet. Why does that dumb city have a hockey team? No one knows! It’s a mystery that will live on well after humans relocate to Mars. I also don’t understand their mascot. It’s name is Stinger, and for some reason, Stinger is a bug. I guess it’s a yellow jacket? But it’s the Columbus Blue Jackets, so it’s an odd choice to make a yellow jacket the mascot for a team called the Blue Jackets. I don’t know, man. That mascot sucks. And the city of Columbus does too. And no one who lives there deserves to experience happiness.

Drew: Even though the Flyers technically won the trade, they clearly plotted to steal Jeff Carter from us, forcing him to live in the known party city of Columbus, Ohio. I’m kidding on that one, but I loved Jeff Carter when he was a Flyer and seeing him don the sweater of an opponent, back then initially, hurt me. Nowadays I see Carter in his Kings #77 jersey and I feel nothing, but back in the day, that was painful.

Kyle: Words do not describe how much I despise this franchise. They were fine when they were in the Western Conference and sucked every year except that one time a rookie Steve Mason dragged them to the playoffs. Now we play these jerks four times a year and it’s MADDENING. They somehow lost Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky all in one offseason and still managed to hang around all season and make the qualifiers. Oh and the cannon is stupid and I never want to hear it again.

Heather: For starters, it’s Ohio where there’s more cornfields than people. Columbus is like a two block radius of ‘city’ and that’s it. I loathe that cannon and that terrifying mascot they have just doesn’t even make sense with their team branding.

Ryan G.: Of course Sergei Bobrovsky became a great goalie and won the Vezina Trophy twice after being traded from the Flyers. Besides that, Kyle put it perfectly. They are still good despite losing their two best players and they somehow always make it a frustrating game against them. Also, Ohio sucks.

Kelly: I have had about enough of the Columbus Blue Jackets. I’m tired of having to pretend they’re relevant, I’m tired of having to pretend they’re going to Do Things in the playoffs, I’m tired of the whole thing. Go AWAY. I yelled about this a lot on this week’s BSH Radio, you should listen it was fun.

Let’s lighten the mood a bit, though. What do we think, folks? What do we actually like about the Blue Jackets?

Ryan Q.: Not much. Frankly, they’re one of my least favorite teams in hockey. However, it was hilarious when they swept the Lightning in the first round last season only to be swiftly eliminated by the Bruins immediately after. It was nice seeing everyone’s Stanley Cup brackets burst into flames simultaneously.

Drew: They have Zach Werenski who’s pretty fun. Otherwise I can’t think of anything.

Kyle: Ryan hit the nail on the head. Them continuing the trend of Tampa choking every year in an epic way was pretty damn good, that’s about it.

Heather: Their baby blue jerseys with the canon logo. That’s about it.

Maddie: Ooh, those are nice! Okay, so I hate the cannon, but live the jerseys with the cannon on them. We can pretend that makes sense.

Ryan G.: I have to admit that seeing Sergei Bobrovsky happy dancing in Columbus did make me happy, even though it was maddening at the same time.

Kelly: Get fucked.

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