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The Flyers narrowed down their goal song search, and all of the options stink

If you were hoping the Flyers would have an improved goal song this season, things aren’t looking too great!

New Jersey Devils v Philadelphia Flyers Photo by Len Redkoles/NHLI via Getty Images

After two miserable seasons of “Feel the Shake” by Jetboy being the Flyers’ goal song, the team is mercifully (?) moving on to something different for the 2021-22 season.

Unfortunately, a new goal song doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be a better goal song.

Last month, the Flyers announced they were turning to the fans in an effort to find a new goal song, and they tested some of the top fan-submitted requests throughout the preseason. Among the tested goal songs were “Here Comes the Hotstepper” by Ini Kamoze, “Call on Me” by Eric Prydz and, Broad Street Hockey’s personal favorite, “Whoomp! (There It Is)” by Tag Team.

Unfortunately, none of those objectively fun songs will be playing after the Flyers score a goal this season. The Flyers announced Wednesday that they’ve narrowed down their list of goal song candidates to three, and none of them are very good.

The three finalists are as follows: “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora, “Beer” by Reel Big Fish and “This Girl” by Kungs and Cookin’ on 3 Burners.

Gross.

This is as underwhelming a final three as one could imagine. But are there any redeeming qualities to any of these songs? Let’s go over them all one by one.

“Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora

Nope. There’s literally not one single thing about this song that would inspire anyone to think, “Yeah, I can groove to this when the Flyers score a goal.” If anything, this would go down as one of the most annoying goal songs in NHL history thanks to that vomit-inducing “Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh” hook.

This song is better left in 1985.

“Beer” by Reel Big Fish

This is by far the best option of the three finalists. Ska has been dead for years, but Reel Big Fish are one of the pioneers of the genre, and the song’s 2:45 mark offers a pretty fun sing-along melody. Plus, the song is called “Beer” for God’s sake.

It may not be the ideal choice, but this at least has potential to make for some fun moments in Wells Fargo Center.

“This Girl” by Kungs and Cookin’ on 3 Burners

This song is pretty much a meme at this point thanks to all the “Shot on iPhone” videos scattered around the internet. Is it catchy? Perhaps. But will it get fans amped up to watch the Flyers? Probably not! There are many better options than this one.

At the end of the day, “Whoomp! (There It Is)” won’t be the Flyers’ goal song, and that’s an absolute tragedy. Whether it ends up being Reel Big Fish or Baltimora or Kungs, let’s just hope the new goal song doesn’t stick around too long.