Why we hate the Washington Capitals

Capitals, shmapitals.

Ah, yes, the Washington Capitals. We’ve seen the Flyers beat up on them recently, and this is always a fun sight to behold, but things really don’t always go their way, which is less fun. As one of the Flyers’ closest divisional rivals and one of more consistently competitive teams in the Metro, there’s a lot to dislike about those guys. Our staff has come up with their list of reasons.

Drew: I can respect the Capitals to some degree. I respect Alex Ovechkin and was very happy to see him finally win a Stanley Cup in 2018. However, his career is being wasted playing in front of Capitals fans. They aren’t nearly as bad as Penguins fans in terms of “level of caring about the team no matter what”, since they didn’t almost move to Kansas City, but still, their home building can be just dead at times. Their goal horn is also very irritating. It sounds like an ambulance, and in fact, I’ll need one if I have to watch Tom Wilson keep playing for another few years. That man is the absolute scourge of the earth, and if it were up to me, the next garbage hit he throws on a defenseless player sends him packing for a very lengthy suspension.

Kyle: The Capitals are a weird one for me because even though they’re a divisional rival, and their games vs. the Flyers always seem to be extremely physical, I just don’t hate them like I do our other Metro rivals? Don’t get me wrong, I still hate them, hate how good they are year in and year out, Tom Wilson is a thing on their team, etc. To echo one of Drew’s points though, the thing I hate the most about this damn team is that stupid goal horn. It’s not nearly as bad as Columbus’ cannon, but it’s pretty awful as an opposing fan.

Maddie: Yeah, I’m with Kyle on this one, in that you would think that I should have a whole lot of ire for the Caps, considering they are a close geographical rival and have also been good for a while, but somehow I don’t hate them as much as I probably should. Oh well. But as for reasons to hate them, the big one has gotta be Tom Wilson for me, as well. He’s dirty, there’s really no other way to say it, and he keeps getting away with it, and that fills me with rage.

Ryan Q.: I’m keeping the Tom Wilson hate going. He’s the actual worst. He just looks like the final boss of a super douchy fraternity house, and the only way he can be defeated is if you show him something really shiny to look at. Perhaps the most bizarre thing about him is how he’s brainwashed his minions into thinking he’s actually not one of the dirtiest players to play on an NHL surface in recent years. It’s adorable. They’re blinded by his frat-y charm.

Heather: Well, it’s Washington which means awful traffic and may weather fans. I will give them a back-handed compliment here to say out of all of the sports leagues in that city, it seems the Caps have a the biggest fan base. Yikes.

Ryan G.: Tom Wilson. That’s it. That’s the Tweet.

Kelly: Well I see we’ve covered everything here. Also I personally consider D.C. sports fans to be frauds, so there’s that too.

But there’s at least one redeemable thing about the Caps. Maybe more than one thing. What do we think, gang?

Maddie: Their team puppy (well, not a puppy anymore) Captain is the cutest pup on the planet and I live for the content they provide of him,

Kyle: Maddie I don’t think I could agree with you more, Captain is a very good pupper. Other than their doggo, I mean, you have to love Alexander Ovechkin. He’s the greatest pure goal scorer the world has ever seen and doesn’t appear to be slowing down any time soon.

Ryan Q.: I’m with Kyle here. Ovechkin’s so awesome. Frankly, I really don’t have much of an issue with many Caps players other than Tom Wilson. Pretty decent amount of likable human beings on that team.

Drew: As I said, you can’t not love Alex Ovechkin. He’s one of the best and most exciting players in NHL history. Also the Caps should bring back their old jerseys from the 1990’s and early 2000’s with the blue, gold, and white.

They were fun, and I kind of want an old Jagr Capitals jersey, please forgive me.

Heather: Ovi and his documentation of his run with the Stanley Cup was something I respected and expected nothing less from him. This may be extremely on brand for me, but Holtby I admire and respect as a good human and goalie. Also, their team dog Captain is super cute- I agree with Maddie that I look forward to pup content from them daily.

Ryan G.: Watching Alex Ovechkin finally win the Stanley Cup and then go on a summer-long bender was pretty fun.

Kelly: I honestly and truly love Alexander Ovechkin and am going to relish watching him smash that Gretzky record when he’s like 45 and playing 4 minutes a night on the power play.