Can you believe this, folks? This was one of, if not the, most biased and so totally unfair series in hockey history. And nobody watches more hockey than me. Nobody. Believe me, nobody.
The refs, who, by the way, I’m hearing were directly contacted by Little Gary Bettman to not let the Flyers win. It’s true. I have some very interesting information on this. Very interesting, and if Little Gary doesn’t be careful, I’ll spill the beans on him! But the refs, who are just haters by the way, listen to Little Gary, and they’re just so totally biased against the Flyers. The Capitals had five power play goals in Game 3. Five power play goals! That’s impossible. Believe me, if the refs didn’t tamper with the game, there are no power play goals. None.
But no, Little Gary had to interfere, the Capitals illegally stole this series. Based on the fraud committed by the Capitals during this series, either a new series should take place or the results nullified. Then whoever came in second place and so on would be bumped up one spot in the rankings.
But really, is it any wonder that the establishment team out of Washington, which, the establishment is trying very very hard to make sure I lose. They stole Colorado from me and didn’t let the voters decide! But no, the establishment team won this series, despite the Flyers getting so many more votes than the Capitals in a Breitbart online poll of who is better. If, no, no, if the series were decided by the votes, the Flyers would have won. But the Capitals can’t win with the voters so they have to sell themselves to the bosses. It’s true!
This Braden Holtby guy, can we talk about him folks? This guy, who I hear is on track to win the Venza Trophy, which, by the way, it’s a complete travesty what they’ve done to that — it used to be the most prestigious trophy there was and now it’s a total joke. They used to give it to strong American conservatives like the very good Tim Thomas, but now they give it to immigrants like Carey Price. Just so sad. But this Holtby guy is just a total phony and complete and utter stone cold loser. This guy, who apparently is so great, can’t even stop a goal from Andrew MacDonald. Andrew MacDonald! He’s supposed to be so great, but he can’t stop a puck from the worst defenseman of all time. Sad!
While we’re talking about the Caps, look at this roster. Ovechkin, Kuznetsof, Burakovsky, this sounds like Putin’s, who by the way, is just such a better leader than Obama. He’s strong and has stamina, unlike our leaders who are just so totally stupid. But this looks like a Russian team to me, and we really have to figure out what’s going on here.
And these Flyers power play conversion numbers, I gotta tell you, they’re just so totally phony. They’re, you know, it’s funny, because they are just completely phony, it reminds me of the unemployment rate. They say it’s five percent, but it’s much much higher. Some very smart people have told me 20, 30, 45 percent is much closer to the real number. But believe me, these power play conversion numbers are phony too. Isn’t it kind of odd that under Obama all the numbers coming out of Washington are fake? It’s just interesting. Very interesting, and something we’re going to look into.
And, you know, the NHL hates the Flyers because they’re not politically correct, which, political correctness is the problem in this country and why we don’t win anymore. But the Flyers fans aren’t politically correct, and that makes the media, who are, from what I hear, losing millions and millions of dollars, but the media hates it! Flyers fans threw a bunch of bracelets on the ice during this series, and just because they did it on the night they were honoring Ed Snider, who, by the way, can we talk about how great he was as a negotiator? Snider was one of the best negotiators of our time, and really it’s just so totally sad that he’s gone. But Flyers fans throw the bracelets and the completely biased and totally unfair media goes crazy.
And now the Flyers are forced to play golf all summer, which by the way, they should really look into the Trump National Golf Club Los Angeles, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, perhaps the most valuable parcel of land in all of golf. But the Flyers, who were treated just so unfairly by the crooked NHL, now can’t play hockey anymore. Unfair!
But the Capitals will dishonestly go on to face the Penguins, who, that Sidney Crosby guy is just great. You know, I see a lot of myself in him, I really do. I think we’re a lot alike, very much alike. When you see Sidney Crosby, you should think Donald Trump. You really should.
