Dear Flyers,
We need to talk. I seriously love you guys, and it’s great to see that you’re all amped up for the playoffs, but you’ve taken things a tad too far.
It all started when the Flyers entered the final stretch of the regular season. The Flyers faced a really tough schedule, and needed to pull off some improbable wins to solidify a spot in the playoffs. We all knew it was going to be tough, and perhaps anxiety about that caused you to make some ill-advised decisions.
I’m talking, of course, about #ClutchTime.
It started out as a Twitter/Facebook only thing, which is fine, I guess, given that the hashtag only makes sense in those spaces. But since then, it’s gotten so much worse. Sure, tweeting out a #ClutchTime here and there with some friends on the weekends isn’t harmful per se, but it’s gotten to the point where you need it just to get through the day. That’s called addiction, and #ClutchTime is one hell of a nasty drug.
The first indication that things had gotten out of hand came right before Game 3 against the Rangers.
That was the t-shirt you gave away to your adoring fans. You used to put some serious thought and effort into them — remember the Scott Harnell/Hulkamania one? — but now it’s clear that your hobbies have taken a backseat to getting your #ClutchTime fix. You don’t even make sense anymore. The hashtag is completely useless outside of social media — why did you think it would make sense to put it on a piece of clothing?
Things got worse when you declared that Times Square in New York was now #ClutchTime Square. No, it is not. Times Square is already one of the worst places on the planet, and due to your addiction, you made it worse. Did you ever even think that Times Square is primarily populated by Rangers fans? This is the equivalent of making an inebriated rant on the sidewalk during rush hour — no one is listening.
Welcome to #ClutchTime Square! pic.twitter.com/pAONZwRK2h
— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) April 24, 2014
Despite the fact that it was clear #ClutchTime was now controlling you, we turned our gaze away. We simply couldn’t bring ourselves to admit that a team we love so much had been led so astray.
But we can’t be silent anymore. You’ve taken things too far and it’s time for you to seek help.
A closer look at the rally towels all fans will receive at tonight’s Game 4. #ClutchTime pic.twitter.com/A8v1SfkHZF
— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) April 25, 2014
Tonight, you have opted out of giving fans their beloved orange t-shirts, and we know the real reason why. You’ve already put #ClutchTime on a t-shirt, and can’t do it again, so you’re scrapping the whole thing and throwing that nasty phrase on a towel. Take a look at yourself. You’re basically skipping Thanksgiving just because you need to get your fix.
So please, for the sake of yourself and your fans, seek help. Maybe ween yourself off this nasty habit by testing out the far less dangerous “Flyered Up.” Just please act fast – you’re spiraling out of control, and some of us are sure that #ClutchTime is causing you to lose games.
Sincerely,
Philadelphia
P.S. – Change the dang goal song already. No one likes it.
