We, the fans of the Philadelphia Flyers, are the graduating eighth graders, about to embark on their summer vacation leading into their freshman year of high school in the 1993 Richard Linklater classic, Dazed and Confused.
Potential regulation wins are O’Bannion (Ben Affleck), chasing us around town with a fraternity paddle, hellbent on bruising our asses to prove some sort of nonsensical point.
On the other hand, regulation losses are Randall “Pink” Floyd (Jason London), handing us a beer and bringing us to a party when the beating is over.
The Flyers had a great chance of running into O’Bannion when they faced off against the Chicago Blackhawks at the United Center on Monday night.
Chicago was meh all season but have been especially dreadful since trading Marc-Andre Fleury to the Minnesota Wild, putting up a respectfully dreadful 4-10-2 record since dealing the future Hall of Fame goaltender at the deadline.
But the Flyers stepped up in a big way, out-awfuling the ‘Hawks and allowing them enough opportunities to stay comfortably ahead of Philly in the standings, maintaining the Orange and Black’s hold on the league’s fourth-worst standings points total (61), as well as the fourth-worst points-percentage (.381).
The New Jersey Devils are only one point ahead of the Flyers, but do have a game in hand. A regulation win in their final three games could really seal the deal for our unlovable losers.
Here’s hoping the Flyers continue boozing at the Moontower, and avoid O’Bannion and the Greaser.
I have no idea why I decided to write this article like this. Is securing a top-five pick at the draft driving to Houston and getting the Aerosmith tickets?
Whatever.
Listen to the postgame.
