x

Already member? Login first!

Comments / New

How hard is it being Gritty right now

Posted on by Bill Roark

How hard is it to be Gritty right now? Well, first there are the natural, every day challenges.

You can’t seem to lose weight and your eyes are sort of always wandering, usually not in the same direction. You look like a lit road flare with a jersey on, which makes it really hard to keep a low profile. There’s no easy way to say it…every day is sort of a bad hair day and people are never sure if you’re just happy to see them or you’re one cold soft pretzel away from a killing spree. Right now, it can’t be easy being Gritty.

Oh and then, there are the standings. It has to be difficult being the “motivational being” for a crowd that’s being constantly demotivated by the play on the ice. You could almost hear Gritty’s giant googly eyes rattling around in their plastic containers during the Isles game, due to the silence. Gritty, the team’s 7-foot-tall mascot, has become the Flyer showing the most energy, which isn’t saying a lot, but it is, definitely, saying something.

Despite all the genetic issues and occupational hazards, Gritty is, by all accounts, holding it together. However, this team isn’t making life any easier, so let’s see what exactly he’s been up to.

The last time we checked in Gritty was going on Last Week Tonight (which promised to use him on their mock supreme court in the future, so here’s hoping that continues) and many other late-night shows. Things have slowed down a tad, but Gritty is still getting by.

Over the past couple of weeks, he’s apparently managed to get by with his standard dance moves, which we can only assume he was doing after at least a six pack, especially if it was a game day. I imagine that costume has a beer holder and the belly is mostly a recycling container for empties, but that’s just me.

Gritty also stepped out for Halloween, in this provocative bath ensemble, reminding us that, lately, it’s not really that uncommon to feel like you need a shower after watching a Flyers home game.

Then others joined in with their best Gritty costumes, which were, frankly, amazing.

Even dogs got in on the action, taking the time to put on their Gritty costumes, which I absolutely love.

This one, however, feels like a trap. Either it eats you or you take out a library book that you forget to return and in the year 2027 you find out compounding interest and a number of complex surcharges mean, you have to obtain a 2nd mortgage to pay off a healthy fine.

Then there are the news items I like to pretend, were 100% inspired by Gritty, like Shropshire England voting to name their most recent “gritter” (whatever that is) “Gritty McGritface”. According to BBC News, some other, equally Gritty, names like “Gritney Spears” and “Gritty Gritty Bang Bang”, were also in the running. Look, if NHL fans can get John Scott elected to an all-star game, they can certainly get a piece of heavy machinery named after a mascot who bowls over inflatable sumo wrestlers. I mean it’s basically the same guy doing the same job?

The next item is a Halloween masterpiece. This pumpkin, carved by a local artisan squirrel, is the best abstract representation of Gritty to date. “I wanted to capture the essence of the current Flyers..dark, yet accessible…oh and rotten, just really, really, rotten”, said the squirrel. Ok, I made that up, the squirrel could not be reached for comment.

Then Jay and Dan discussed which mascots might not get absolutely ripped apart by Gritty. Apparently, the next heavyweight challenger is Rock Monster, the mascot for the Sudbury Five, which is some sort of professional basketball team. The Vegas line on the UFC style fight is estimated, by me, to be at 2-1 in favor of Rock Monster, however I predict an early TKO in favor of Gritty. As it turns out, Rock Monster is highly allergic to pet dander. Dana White, UFC, make the call and get them on the card. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t buy that pay per view…you would absolutely buy that pay per view.

Stranger still, as NPR reports, the Philadelphia City Council somehow found time in their busy schedule to endorse Gritty, which feels like a moot point. Gritty moved in, ate your cheesesteaks and stole your wrecking balls; he’s here now. If you’re voting yes at this point, it’s only to avoid being eaten by him in the future. The Council actually put this matter to a vote, which passed. This is, of course, the only way to make Flyers hockey more stressful for everyone, by making it about politics.

On a side note, the second Gritty announces he’s running for office, I’ll be on a plane to anywhere but here. I’m not sticking around to see what kind of laws this furry maniac is going to pass. Sure, maybe he makes every night dollar dog night, which would be great, or maybe he becomes drunk with power and starts stuffing all the other Muppets into a paper shredder? No thanks.

One thing is absolutely for certain, this Gritty thing isn’t dying down. Those who embraced him, are going “full Gritty” and the NHL squad would do well to do the same, because even the most vocal supporters of the new mascot, won’t be able to deal with Gritty if the team continues losing in uninspiring fashion. Don’t turn Gritty into a guy break dancing through a funeral. Flyers, please don’t make him be that guy.

So until next time, lets hope we see more of this Gritty….

And less of THIS Gritty (This isn’t your fault Lucy, he definitely pushed you..).

If you enjoyed this article please consider supporting Broad Street Hockey by subscribing here, or purchasing our merchandise here.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our podcast feed!

Looking for an easy way to support BSH? Use our Affiliate Link when shopping hockey merch!

Talking Points